Welcome to GERB.ORG

Update: December 17, 2005

New server! Same boring content.

Update: August 30, 2005

I've been playing with my sphincter again. I eventually plan to phase out this static website, and replace it with a blog. Static HTML is just so mid-1990s.

Update: April 7, 2005

I'm a daddy! Of twins!

Update: February 14, 2005

This marks the one-year anniversary of the last time that I wore pants, shorts, or any other bifurcated (meaning "two-legged") garments in public. I am now a card-carrying member of the Utilikilts Clan and I proudly own and wear three kilts.

Why a kilt? Well, I could give a couple of reasons. The medical reason is that my doctor has recommended that I wear looser-fitting clothing, to avoid irritating my varicocele (it's on the lefty, and no it does not affect my virility - more news on that later). The pragmatic reason is that I have always hated wearing pants, and I have never been able to avoid that until now. Finally, the most important reason is that I can, and I want to. I'm lucky enough to work for a company that doesn't make any irrational dress code restrictions, so I wear my kilts everywhere.

The answers to the next 3 most common questions I get, in order:

  1. No, I'm not Scottish or Irish. I'm mostly Germanic, like it makes any difference.
  2. If you keep your torso and feet warm, everything else in the middle stays warm enough.
  3. Kneel down for yourself and look, ya big wussy - I ain't telling. And while you're down there...

So if you see a big guy in the Hillsboro area with a kilt, it's probably me. Feel free to say hi, and I'll be happy to chat with ya and show off the pleats.

Update: April 14, 2003

Yes, I'm still around. No, I haven't really felt like updating my site. No, I'm not bored. Yes, work is keeping me busy. Yes, my job sucks. No, I don't have any other job opportunities at this point. Yes, the high-tech economy sucks.

Otherwise, life has been good. My band has been practicing a lot lately. We're getting ready for gigs!

We saw King Crimson play in Portland last month. It was fun. I was pleasantly surprised to see (and hear) that Pat played an incredible show and did really on the drums, IMO. Loud but fun!

The Sphincter may soon be closing. I don't know what to do with at this point. My dreams for updating it frequently and turning it into a thought-provoking, relevant and hip brain-dump have never materialized. Or I never made them real. Whatever. Expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised if I ever do update it.

That's all for now.

Update: August 23, 2002

Well, lots of cool stuff happened over the past month. We got to see the Progman Cometh music festival, in lovely downtown Seattle, Washington. I think that this was probably the dumbest name they could have picked for the festival -- to me, it brings up images of some giant ogre trampling across the land, preparing to wreak havoc upon the hearts and ears of innocent listeners across the fruited plain. Which, now that I think about it, accurately portrays some of the musical content, but I digress. The show was (with a few exceptions) stellar, and it was worth the trip. Allan Holdsworth absolutely kicked butt with Software. Hamster Theater (from Colorado) was an invigorating and unexpected treat. However, I didn't really care for Phreeworld at all. The organizers, being new at the whole music festival business, didn't quite advertise it as well as they should have, but attendance was good, and the music made it worthwhile.

Another new development is my new "sub-site", known simply as Sphincter. I haven't yet decided if this is going to stick around, but for now it's just a random dumping grounds for my "dark side", a place to vent my brain-farts and subconscious desires, and most of all, an exercise in self-expression. This is definitely not for children, the faint of heart, or anyone who is easily offended. The rest of you are welcome to visit.

Other than that, you may notice some minor site design changes. I'm still sticking with the baby-poop brown color scheme, but it's getting a few tweaks for readability and good design. As usual, comments are welcome.

Update: July 10, 2002

NearFest rocked, but New Jersey still sucks. Except for the Trenton War Memorial and surrounding buildings, I wouldn't really mind if the rest of that area just happened to sink into the Atlantic ocean. What a boring waste of land.

Update: June 9, 2002

More updates to the Musical Instruments page, mostly for my own benefit.

Looking forward to attending NearFest again this year. Also saw Bill Frisell and Greg Leisz perform here in Portland last month, which was an awesome and poignant experience. They're both great musicians and performers.

Those of you who enjoyed (or took offense to) my Utah Drivers webpage (which, as I no longer live in Utah, has not been updated in some time) will be pleased (or displeased) to know that I am going to be working on a companion page, tentatively titled "Oregon Drivers Suck Too". After having moved back to Portland (my native city) my wife and I realized that the people here drove just as dumbly as most of the ignoramuses (ignorami? what's the plural word?) on the Utah roads. Oregonians, is it that difficult to actually *use* your damned turn signals once in a while? Argh. Anyway, expect another rant page from both of us fairly soon.

Update: June 1, 2002

My latest obsession: Gentoo Linux. Try it. It's good.

Update: April 18, 2002

Hey! I'm alive. We just got back from seeing the Tony Levin band play live in Portland. It was an awesome show. Thanks, Tony!

I found another candidate for my Phallic Tomato webpage, but unfortunately, it went rotten before I could photograph it. Oh well.

Update: March 6, 2002

We just saw Chapman Stick artist Greg Howard play live at a local brewpub here in Portland. The show was very intense and exhilirating, and the music was superb, but the sound was quite muddy from the volume of Greg's amp and the house sound system. Overall, an excellent and very moving show. The opening act was solo artist Rebecca Hart, who was quite good also. Rebecca plays her guitar quite well, but her greatest strengths are her powerful, clear voice and her introspective, witty songwriting. Definitely one of the most interesting singer/songwriters I've seen. (I wish I had bought her CD.)

Past news has generally gone away, to the great void beyond the bits and bytes in this binary world. However, I have saved some of my more memorable rants in the links below. Read on!

What Works & What Doesn't

Here are the following links that may or may not be pages at this time:

Repeat after me: This site isn't cobweb.

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